Is it possible to have an intellectual conversation after having a baby?

Yesterday I visited Riihimäki (literally Drying Barn Hill), which is a little – and for me quite dead – town 50 kilometres away from Helsinki.

The reason for this visit was that a friend of my boyfriend’s, a Russian lady, got married to a Finnish guy and got a baby 2 months ago. Living in more peaceful environment and getting a bigger flat were the two reasons for living the bohemian Kallio neighbourhood in Helsinki behind them and moving to this little town. Personally I’d prefer a tiny flat in the middle of at least a bit of a life on the streets and something to do. But we are different, of course.

And they got a baby. I’m always a little nervous when visiting a family with a newborn. I don’t know what to do with so young babies and I’m afraid of the moment when the parents suggest that I should hold the baby and do all the baby blablala… that’s not my thing.

Does having kids make you conservative per se? An add from 1950s.

But a lot worse is the amount of people seem to lose all their capacity to an intellectual conversation after having a baby. Even friends who used to be so free-minded, open and brave, suddenly start to be afraid of almost anything and their values go back to 1950s. Especially women. They start ironing their partners shirts, giggling and talking about the baby baby baby non stop. You know, “everything changes when you become a mother”.

It sounds so strange to me. Yes you have a baby but you are still the same person, right? But what do I know, I don’t have kids.

Anyway, yesterday was a very positive surprise. We talked about the EU financial crisis, immigration policies, drugs (whether weed should be legal) and sex – the couple visited a big sex fair here in Helsinki called Sexhibition and had quite a few stories to tell – like about filming a porno film live on the spot. And the baby was happily sleeping in his chest.

Married with children - and afraid of the world outside the home walls? Photo: Yle

This couple surely is very dedicated to their baby, so this serves as a prove that you don’t have to change and disappear in a big pink bubble, where everything outside looks terrifying and from where people who don’t have babies are sooo immature. And I’m not alone saying this as I’ve even heard some moms and dads complaining how they go crazy just sitting in the playground with other parents and where the conversation limits in baby stuff (caga, nutrition, parental tips etc.) and all intellectual talk seems to be banned.

So, thank you people who stay your “normal” selves even after having a baby!

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